New hope or New year?
Amazing how Editors can appear out of the blue gloom to lift up your spirits.
I've just had another terrible xmas, like all my xmases are. It's the time when people hang out with their loved ones and family. Its the time also that reminds me how much I lack all these. No family (well, there is one, brothers, father, a mother, but each time I see any of them, I get nightmares. Bad nightmares like those on Elm Street) No loved one either. It's been a long and sorrowful life for me (you call 29 long?) and this xmas brought out my forlonity in with such graphic clarity that I found myself looking back at the events that made my life what it is. It goes way back to my earliest memory, sex with a neighbours daughter. she was 3, i was 4. it was traumatizing: there was the gal who died (hit by a car as I crossed the road with her) when I was about 5. I think those two made my life what it is. pathetic. those two sparked off a series of a lot of other incidents that make me forever a loner. And this christmas made me see all these in a new light, made me feel my ambitions to be a writer were contemptous. Made me feel my life wasn't worth living. Made me feel so many things that I swore to end this miserable life before I'm 30, if I haven't broken into the ranks of pros.
Well, and then this morning, I get an email. At first I think it's junk. I've forgotten all about this story, and this magazine, and I read the letter three times to remember both. It's an acceptance. 25$. And I'm like 'Oh shit, I aint that bad." Of course it isn't the only thing I've ever published, but its the only acceptance in over a year and it was begining to get to my throat.
It's such small favours from the Editors (who live in Olympus, is that the correct spelling of that mountain?) that keeps miserables like us going.
Maybe this year will be a different one for me.
I've just had another terrible xmas, like all my xmases are. It's the time when people hang out with their loved ones and family. Its the time also that reminds me how much I lack all these. No family (well, there is one, brothers, father, a mother, but each time I see any of them, I get nightmares. Bad nightmares like those on Elm Street) No loved one either. It's been a long and sorrowful life for me (you call 29 long?) and this xmas brought out my forlonity in with such graphic clarity that I found myself looking back at the events that made my life what it is. It goes way back to my earliest memory, sex with a neighbours daughter. she was 3, i was 4. it was traumatizing: there was the gal who died (hit by a car as I crossed the road with her) when I was about 5. I think those two made my life what it is. pathetic. those two sparked off a series of a lot of other incidents that make me forever a loner. And this christmas made me see all these in a new light, made me feel my ambitions to be a writer were contemptous. Made me feel my life wasn't worth living. Made me feel so many things that I swore to end this miserable life before I'm 30, if I haven't broken into the ranks of pros.
Well, and then this morning, I get an email. At first I think it's junk. I've forgotten all about this story, and this magazine, and I read the letter three times to remember both. It's an acceptance. 25$. And I'm like 'Oh shit, I aint that bad." Of course it isn't the only thing I've ever published, but its the only acceptance in over a year and it was begining to get to my throat.
It's such small favours from the Editors (who live in Olympus, is that the correct spelling of that mountain?) that keeps miserables like us going.
Maybe this year will be a different one for me.
[ 01:52 ] [ 2007-Jan-9 ] [ Post Comment ]
Melancholy Breakfast
After reading your sad, yet truthful article, I mean blog, I've decided to stay sad and that will make me a better writer. I 'm going to tell my loved ones to not talk to me for week and see if I could write better scripts.
Maybe I should send my son to Iraq and then I will definetly NOT be faking my sadness.
Or better yet, maybe I should watch Bush's speech tonight at nine and then I will truly fall under despair.
[ Anonymous ] [ 11:58 ] [ 2007-Jan-10 ] [ Link ]